On Monday I went in to chemo and first I talk to Dr, B and told her that my lower back has been hurting more often. I was guessing it is the MET on my lower spine that is causing the added pain. She decided to get an MRI to check it out. After talking to the doctor I went to sit in the main room with around 8 chairs mostly filled up with patients getting treatments. I waited for the nurse to access my port and draw blood for testing. They came back and said my white and red blood counts were to low to get chemo. In addition I would have to get a blood transfusion and nupegin shots every day for 1 week. So after my appointment I headed over to the Timp. hospital so they can type and cross my blood (which means match it to my blood), After waiting almost 45 min I was told to go to the outpatient area and they put me in a room. They kept going back and forth about starting my transfusion that day. Finally they decided just to match my blood and set up the appointment to get the transfusion on Tuesday.
The next I went and got my shot at the clinic and then headed over to the hospital to get the transfusion. I spent 3 hours in a room by myself playing on my tablet. My friend Julie stopped by to talk for a little while. Later about 6 nurses came and sang Happy Birthday to me and gave me a small yummy cake thing! It was so cute! I went home and planned to go out to dinner with the whole family that night. We ended up at Sizzler with me and my kids, grandpa and grandma, Lee and Mandy, Amy and her family. It was so fun to just sit around and talk. At the end of the meal the waiter brought me a huge brownie covered in ice cream, cones, chocolate sauce and whipped cream.
I actually had a break on Wednesday other then getting my shot. On Thursday I went to the Timp. hospital again for the MRI. My back and hips were hurting very badly during the MRI it was horrible. After the MRI I went to the dollar tree store and picked up a few things, and headed over to my friend Julie's house to visit for a while. After I went to Amy's house to visit with her for a bit and ask Vaughn why my tail light is still not working after I have replaced all the light bulbs... no luck! That night I woke up from a nap and was feeling super horrible. I had Kyana help me upstairs to bed and took a shower hoping it would help. I ended up with a fever and at the ER getting antibiotics and pain medication. I went home after and went to bed.
Today I have done nothing this morning. I have to go to the clinic soon to get my last shot for the week. Hopefully this weekend will go good and I can handle the chemo next week!!
Wish me luck!!
Friday, February 26, 2016
Friday, February 19, 2016
Weekend before chemo!!
This is the weekend before I get chemo so as far as me having energy and feeling good.. this is as good as it gets!! I try and get as much stuff done before I am to sick and weak to do anything! I try and stock the fridge and clean stuff the kids miss (the walls, toilets, ect.! Sometimes I can get all of what I wanted to get done and other times I do to much and pay for it (getting sick, and worn out) It just depends on how my body decides to react to what I am doing. I also try and take breaks in between stuff and take naps when I need to. This is the life of this chemo patient!
Today started off slow... Gavin of course tried to stay home again!! LOL!! That man kills me!! I got some cleaning done in the kitchen, downstairs bathroom and front room!! I am so proud of myself!! LOL I did get the chicken salad done. I was trying to get it done on Tuesday but during the day I was busy and at night I felt terrible (probably because I did to much).
I am waiting for my Dad to come get me and take me to get my car. It is finally done!! I am going to try and find 2 curtain rods, one for Gavin's room and one to go in front of the sliding glass door in the kitchen. Hopefully I can find cheap but cute ones at Walmart, I also hope they have a beep beep cart available, so I can take my time looking for what I want. I know I am doing good if I can walk Walmart all by myself! It is not happening yet but hopefully I can one day stop chemo and get all my energy back!!
Since I am going out I put on makeup (yay me)!!
The neuropathy causes my feet to be numb but at the same time very sensitive, it hurts to wear hard shoes so I am suck wearing slippers most of the time and since my feet are also very numb I have to wear socks under my shoes so they stay on better!! I am glad winter is ending so I don't have to worry about the ground being wet (slippers are not good on the wet ground, they leak)!!
I am off to get my car!! Tomorrow I will make maple oat scones, kale and chorizo soup, rice and whatever else I can think might help out next week. Thanks to my AMAZING ward I will get dinners delivered on Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week for my kids so I don't have to worry about it on those days!!! What a blessing my ward and family have been through all of this.
My brother Eric is coming to visit this weekend!! I am excited to see and talk with him! I am glad I should actually feel okay to do it!
In a couple of weeks Me, Kyana and Gavin will hitch a ride with my brother Lee down to Las Vegas to get out of my sick world and hang out with Mandy and Adam!!!
I NEED to get out of here and I am sure my kids do to.. considering we have not gone anywhere for almost 2 years (so sad)!! We didn't get to go to Arizona (our vacation spot with the family) this summer since I started chemo in April so we have been home bound since the summer of 2014!!
Today started off slow... Gavin of course tried to stay home again!! LOL!! That man kills me!! I got some cleaning done in the kitchen, downstairs bathroom and front room!! I am so proud of myself!! LOL I did get the chicken salad done. I was trying to get it done on Tuesday but during the day I was busy and at night I felt terrible (probably because I did to much).
I am waiting for my Dad to come get me and take me to get my car. It is finally done!! I am going to try and find 2 curtain rods, one for Gavin's room and one to go in front of the sliding glass door in the kitchen. Hopefully I can find cheap but cute ones at Walmart, I also hope they have a beep beep cart available, so I can take my time looking for what I want. I know I am doing good if I can walk Walmart all by myself! It is not happening yet but hopefully I can one day stop chemo and get all my energy back!!
Since I am going out I put on makeup (yay me)!!
The neuropathy causes my feet to be numb but at the same time very sensitive, it hurts to wear hard shoes so I am suck wearing slippers most of the time and since my feet are also very numb I have to wear socks under my shoes so they stay on better!! I am glad winter is ending so I don't have to worry about the ground being wet (slippers are not good on the wet ground, they leak)!!
I am off to get my car!! Tomorrow I will make maple oat scones, kale and chorizo soup, rice and whatever else I can think might help out next week. Thanks to my AMAZING ward I will get dinners delivered on Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week for my kids so I don't have to worry about it on those days!!! What a blessing my ward and family have been through all of this.
My brother Eric is coming to visit this weekend!! I am excited to see and talk with him! I am glad I should actually feel okay to do it!
In a couple of weeks Me, Kyana and Gavin will hitch a ride with my brother Lee down to Las Vegas to get out of my sick world and hang out with Mandy and Adam!!!
I NEED to get out of here and I am sure my kids do to.. considering we have not gone anywhere for almost 2 years (so sad)!! We didn't get to go to Arizona (our vacation spot with the family) this summer since I started chemo in April so we have been home bound since the summer of 2014!!
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Busy Afternoon
Today started with Kyana leaving for school and Gavin complaining about going to school like normal... every time there is a holiday he fights more with me to stay home more days!! I informed him if he stayed home he would lie down in his room and sleep.. I took his temperature and it was normal...he decided to go to school.
About 45 min later he called from the office at school and said his stomach was hurting and he was about to throw-up.. I said okay and went and picked him up... when we got home I took his temperature and it was 101.2.
I called my Mom to see if she wanted to go grocery shopping with me... she said yes. My Dad got on the phone and said he wanted me to drop my car off to get the timing belt replaced. So as soon as Kyana gets home I will leave to drop my car off at the mechanic then my Dad will drop me off with my Mom and go shopping and then she will take me home.... busy afternoon.
Since I was planning on going out in to public I decided to put some makeup on... My brown blotches (side effect of chemo) had gotten bigger on each side of my face and a medium blotch on my forehead.
GRRRRRRR!!! Makeup does not really help but I put it on anyway!!! I am so sick of side effects!! I don't care that my hair is falling out, but my feet hurt, and my toe still hurts from when I dislocated my knee and bruised my toe and hurt my foot, and my brown blotches bug me!!
Sometimes I get very discouraged about all of the cancer stuff, but I know I have to keep doing it because I want to see my kids grow up, go on missions, get married, and have kids!!! I don't want to miss any of it!!
At least I want to live long enough to see Gavin go on his mission and come home. Then both my kids will be adults and be able to function better without me.
I need to take more senakot because I realized I have not pooped (sorry)for about 1 week, but I don't want to cause it makes my gut hurt and bubble!! I know chemo is next week and so is my birthday..booooo so I need to get as normal as I can before I start over with the pain and pain pills...not being able to eat really, milk products making me sick, my throat feeling swollen, getting weaker, and tired!!!
About 45 min later he called from the office at school and said his stomach was hurting and he was about to throw-up.. I said okay and went and picked him up... when we got home I took his temperature and it was 101.2.
I called my Mom to see if she wanted to go grocery shopping with me... she said yes. My Dad got on the phone and said he wanted me to drop my car off to get the timing belt replaced. So as soon as Kyana gets home I will leave to drop my car off at the mechanic then my Dad will drop me off with my Mom and go shopping and then she will take me home.... busy afternoon.
Since I was planning on going out in to public I decided to put some makeup on... My brown blotches (side effect of chemo) had gotten bigger on each side of my face and a medium blotch on my forehead.
GRRRRRRR!!! Makeup does not really help but I put it on anyway!!! I am so sick of side effects!! I don't care that my hair is falling out, but my feet hurt, and my toe still hurts from when I dislocated my knee and bruised my toe and hurt my foot, and my brown blotches bug me!!
Sometimes I get very discouraged about all of the cancer stuff, but I know I have to keep doing it because I want to see my kids grow up, go on missions, get married, and have kids!!! I don't want to miss any of it!!
At least I want to live long enough to see Gavin go on his mission and come home. Then both my kids will be adults and be able to function better without me.
I need to take more senakot because I realized I have not pooped (sorry)for about 1 week, but I don't want to cause it makes my gut hurt and bubble!! I know chemo is next week and so is my birthday..booooo so I need to get as normal as I can before I start over with the pain and pain pills...not being able to eat really, milk products making me sick, my throat feeling swollen, getting weaker, and tired!!!
Monday, February 15, 2016
Better day!! LOL
Today is Monday and there is no school.... We woke up late and watched some T.V. while eating poppy seed muffins YUMMY (no I didn't make them) This is the 3rd week in my 3 week chemo treatment.. so this is as good as it gets!! Both of my hips hurt randomly and the pain radiates down my legs to my knees!!
Yesterday I was able to make it through all of church and it was great so YAY!! Kyana got a blanket and Gavin got a stuffed giant caterpillar for Valentines day. We went to Grandma and Grandpa's house after to hang out and give them their Valentines present's. Grandma got a plant and Grandpa some chocolate. We also brought Ant Man to watch. Kaleb and Hilma came with Sasha and Shaun (Amy and Vaughn are in Florida). Everyone had fun for sure!!
Today is boring just chores and grocery shopping. Hopefully we will find something fun to do.
I did shave my head last week because I got sick of eating my hair all the time!!
Next week is chemo week so we will try and live it up this week!!
Yesterday I was able to make it through all of church and it was great so YAY!! Kyana got a blanket and Gavin got a stuffed giant caterpillar for Valentines day. We went to Grandma and Grandpa's house after to hang out and give them their Valentines present's. Grandma got a plant and Grandpa some chocolate. We also brought Ant Man to watch. Kaleb and Hilma came with Sasha and Shaun (Amy and Vaughn are in Florida). Everyone had fun for sure!!
Today is boring just chores and grocery shopping. Hopefully we will find something fun to do.
I did shave my head last week because I got sick of eating my hair all the time!!
Next week is chemo week so we will try and live it up this week!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Bad day!!
So today while watching T.V. I saw a commercial about something to do with cancer and I started crying! I have been on chemo since April 15, 2015 and started originally on July 1, 2013... I am so sick of hearing about other kinds of cancer (which I call the "Cool" cancers)... I know they are bad and a lot of people die of it (including my Aunt last month) but my cancer matters also and just because it isn't one of the "Cool" cancers doesn't mean that it doesn't suck just as bad!!
In the last 2 months I found out I went from 4 tumors to 6 for sure and maybe 7. At night when my kids are in bed it is my bad time because it all hits me and I no longer have to hide that I am sad (so I wont upset my son). I am sooooo sick of chemo, doctors, tests, carrying a chemo pack around, feeling sick, being tired, not being able to clean my house or cook good food, bake treats, being in pain, loosing my hair. Some of my current side effects are neuropathy, mouth sores, nausea, fuzzy eyes, dry and peeling skin, hair loss, constipation, watery eyes,and more I also have increasing pain from all of my bone METS.
I currently have 6 bone METS, 2 on my left hip, 1 on my right hip, 1 on my lower spine, 1 on my upper spine and 1 on my skull. The METS on my hips and spine are getting more and more painful some days are bad and others no so much. They can not radiate my METS because it will kill off my bone marrow and I am not a candidate for a bone marrow transplant. So unless these treatments start working they will just get more and more painful and there is nothing I can do about it besides medication!!
People keep telling me how brave, strong, a champ, and other positive words but if they saw me at night or during some of my trials I don't think they would still believe that!! So I feel like a fraud every time I am told that!!
This life SUCKS so much and all I want is to raise my kids myself. I don't want to have to worry if I die will they remember the good stuff or only the bad, will my x-husband try and take Gavin from my brother, will they be okay without me, how much more of this can they handle, will or does Kyana hate me because she has to take on more responsibility, will my brother's family love my kids as much as I do, will they treat them like there own (I know they will do there best, but its not me), will Gavin remember me, when I die will they be okay, will my family be able to pay to burry me... and more!!
I guess this is a bad day and I needed to let it all out!!
In the last 2 months I found out I went from 4 tumors to 6 for sure and maybe 7. At night when my kids are in bed it is my bad time because it all hits me and I no longer have to hide that I am sad (so I wont upset my son). I am sooooo sick of chemo, doctors, tests, carrying a chemo pack around, feeling sick, being tired, not being able to clean my house or cook good food, bake treats, being in pain, loosing my hair. Some of my current side effects are neuropathy, mouth sores, nausea, fuzzy eyes, dry and peeling skin, hair loss, constipation, watery eyes,and more I also have increasing pain from all of my bone METS.
I currently have 6 bone METS, 2 on my left hip, 1 on my right hip, 1 on my lower spine, 1 on my upper spine and 1 on my skull. The METS on my hips and spine are getting more and more painful some days are bad and others no so much. They can not radiate my METS because it will kill off my bone marrow and I am not a candidate for a bone marrow transplant. So unless these treatments start working they will just get more and more painful and there is nothing I can do about it besides medication!!
People keep telling me how brave, strong, a champ, and other positive words but if they saw me at night or during some of my trials I don't think they would still believe that!! So I feel like a fraud every time I am told that!!
This life SUCKS so much and all I want is to raise my kids myself. I don't want to have to worry if I die will they remember the good stuff or only the bad, will my x-husband try and take Gavin from my brother, will they be okay without me, how much more of this can they handle, will or does Kyana hate me because she has to take on more responsibility, will my brother's family love my kids as much as I do, will they treat them like there own (I know they will do there best, but its not me), will Gavin remember me, when I die will they be okay, will my family be able to pay to burry me... and more!!
I guess this is a bad day and I needed to let it all out!!
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