I feel so horrible!!

I got the first half of chemo on Monday and the second on Tuesday. My mom took me to both and Kyana joined us on Monday since she stayed home from school to do homework...(I told her that was the last time she could do that since she didn't do much homework at all that day, and she needs to learn to do her homework after school instead of play on her phone). Today Julie is taking me to get my pack off and 2 liters of water. The worst days for me are Wednesday and Thursday.

I am glad that this weekend is LDS General Conference so I don't actually have to miss church since LDS General Conference is done on T.V. Normally on conference weekend I am excited because I bake all weekend (sweet rolls, bread, scones, waffles and anything else I can think of, and make soup of some kind) But this time I will be to sick and weak to do it and I am sad!! ON Sunday after conference we will be having a big dinner with both my Uncles and there families at my parents house. I am so excited to see and visit everyone at once!

I am currently trying to get the blankets that I am making my kids done but put them on pause this week so I can finish the one for my sister Karla's new baby girl she is having this week. I believe she is being induced today so YAY I will have a brand new baby niece and I am EXCITED!!! She has not told us her name yet so I am excited to find out and see lots of pictures since she lives in Arizona I wont get to hold her until my sister comes up to Utah for 2 of my nephews weddings in May.

Well I am now going back to bed since I feel like I am dying and do not have the strength or the brain power to continue!! The picture below is of the kids on Easter Sunday and also of Gavin all dressed up for church in his new purple Easter shirt. So cute!!

Week of FUN!!

This week I got blood on Tuesday and shots to boost my immune system Monday-Sunday. The Blood helps me feel better but the shots make my legs hurt and all the Mets on my hips and spine hurt extra bad!! I keep going to bed in pain and waking up in pain. Today I went to Mom and Dad's house to visit for a little while then stopped at the store on the way home to pick up some needed food items. We are planning on dye eggs tomorrow somewhere....

Tomorrow night is Women's General Conference at 6pm on T.V. I am so excite to watch it and then General Conference is next Saturday and Sunday!!! Can I just express how much I love General Conference!! We get to snuggle at home with snacks and listen to spiritual inspiration talks from our AMAZING church leaders!! I LOVE IT!! I will be sick during it but that's okay because it just means I will snuggle on the couch more!!

On Monday I will get chemo again and which I am not looking forward to at all!! Pretty much the cancer that I have in my bones is bad and not getting better. If I end up having lung cancer they cant do surgery to remove it or even biopsy because there is to much of a risk of infection and they cant stop chemo to do anything like surgery because I will be over run with tumors if they do. Eventually they will run out of chemo options or the chemo will be to hard on me to continue or the chemo will eventually shut my liver and/or kidneys down because of the toxins. So no matter what they do I will end up dying of cancer in someway!

Right now I am still in the process of writing a letter to the judge to try and explain why Gavin's father (we will just call him M) should not have custody of him when I die. I am trying to give custody to Erik and Rebekah since the were amazing and offered to take my children if I died. Kristina also offered to take my children but I cant give her more stress then she already has being a single mother working at night as a nurse!! I requested that Rebekah and Erik write a letter to the judge explaining there ability to financially, physically and spiritually take care of my children for me when I die and how the request is expedited due to the status of my cancer. Hopefully the judge will understand and grant my request. M wont even have a chance to get out of prison for another 2 years at the earliest.

Postponed again!!

Yesterday my Mom picked me up so we could go to the clinic and get my test results and chemo. The results came back and I was told I have 2 tiny nodules on my lung one is 3mm and the other 4mm. The doctor does not know if maybe something fell off in my lung and I just have not coughed it up or if they are 2 new tumors so she will rescan me in a few weeks to see if there is any change. My blood work came back showing that my immune system is very low and so is my red blood count so chemo is postponed to next Monday and I get shots every day for 7 days and a blood transfusion today. FUN TIMES!!! NOT

After my appointment with Dr. Breyer I went to get my last round of radiation and talk to Dr. Clark. He asked about my pain and whished me luck with chemo and to come over to his side and say Hi anytime. I am so glad I am done with radiation!!

My appointment with the cardiologist was not for another 2 hours so my Mom took me to Costco so I could get some potato salad and sausages for the BBQ dinner we were going to have that night. We still had an hour before we had to be at the cardiologist so my Mom and I went to the dollar store. I ended up spending way more then I had anticipated because I got Easter stuff while I was there so it ended up being very helpful!!

We went to the cardiologist and was told that my insurance requires a 2 week pre-authorization before I could be seen and they had not sent it in when the appointment was made so the soonest they could see me was May 6. ANNOYING!!

My Mom took me to her house so I could pick up my car from my Uncle and Aunt. I drove home and took a nap while the kids did there chores and homework. We left the house again around 5:30 so we could to my parents house for the BBQ with my Aunt and Uncle and Amy and her family. It was fun to sit around and talk, eat and watch Gavin and Shaun roll down the hill in a big cardboard box.

We ended getting home around 8:30 so I sent Gavin up to take a shower and then both the kids went to bed. My hip hurt to much last night so I ended up taking some pain pills and sleeping on the couch. BOOOOO!!

Today I will go get my shot in a couple of hours and then go to the hospital for the transfusion. The transfusion is very boring because all I do is sit in a room by myself and watch T.V. and play on the Kindle or Tablet for around 3 hours. Luckily we don't have anything planned for tonight so I can just go home and clean and rest.

This is a picture from last year of the kids and Kyana's friend coloring Easter eggs.. they had so much fun!

Family

LDS Conference is around the corner so my Uncle R and Aunt K from Brazil are here for a few weeks and my other Uncle M (he is part of the seventies) and Aunt L from Brazil will be here sometime this week. We have been visiting with my Uncle R and Aunt K this week. I went up to Salt Lake on the Front Runner and Tracks so we could show them how to do it. Yesterday after the Provo City Center Temple dedication we went over to my parents house to visit. My sister and her family came later. A bunch of the family played poker, it was fun to watch them get excited when they would win.

Today I will be getting results from my CT that I had last week then depending on the results I will either continue with this chemo treatment if there is no additional tumors or if there is anything new or my bone METS are worse then Dr. Breyer will change the chemo I get. If there is new tumors or the METS are bigger or worse then I will talk to my doctor about getting a second opinion here is Utah and also in Arizona with either the Mayo Clinic or MD Anderson.

After chemo I will get my last radiation treatment for my right hip and then head down to Provo for my appointment with a cardiologist doctor to talk about my heart. I am interested in what he will say about my heart and if there is a problem what he wants to do.

Tonight my Dad wants to have a BBQ at the park behind his house so I have to pick up potato salad and some meat to share with everyone. I am letting my Uncle R and Aunt K borrow my car this weeks because I will be to sick and taking to much pain medication to drive so my Mom, Dad and sister Amy will be taking us around.

Off to chemo I go!!

End of another chemo week.

Ahhhh finally the end of another chemo week. This means that I should start feeling better everyday for the most part and get more strength back, be able to eat a little more normal, sleep better, not be in as much pain, be awake more during the day etc...
The temple open house was amazing the new Temple is so beautiful and they incorporated some of the old tabernacle which is soooo nice!!! They showed what was replicated and what is new. Everything in the temple is so beautiful even down to the hinges which are decorated so cute!! I am so excited to visit it after it is dedicated on March 20th. After the going to the temple with Grandpa and Grandma and all of Amy's family except Kaleb and Hillma (they had to work) I went to the clinic to get water and my pump off!! YAY I went home and slept for the rest of the morning until my Kids got home and then I tried to stay awake which didn't work very well. On Thursday my Mom took me to get my shot at 11 and then we were supposed to stay for the appointment with Dr. Clark the radiation man. The hospital didn't send over the pictures of my MRI yet so we were postponed until 2:30 so we had to come back. We waited for Gavin to get home from school and then headed over. He said that at first he figured my pain was from the T3 vertebra that has the MET but from my description of the pain he thinks it is more because of my right hip MET. He gave us all the basic information and risks for radiation including complications with my bowl but is very confident that he should be able to target the MET with minimal scatter radiation. He set up an appointment for Monday for mapping (scan's and tattoo's) and I will start radiation on Tuesday for a total of 10 rounds again. I am not excited for radiation but as long as it helps it should be worth it.

I ended up at the ER Thursday night because of pain. The doctor looked at me like I was just looking for a high which is not my normal reaction any other time, the doctors in the past have been so nice and understanding and helped as needed. This doctor gave me a shot and wrote me a prescription for 8 pills to get me through the night. I guess I just felt judged!

On Friday I went over to Julie's house to hang out and get out of my house for a little while in the day during school hours. It was fun to watch her cute family run around and play. She brought me home and I feel asleep soon after. Gavin was playing with friends and Kyana soon left to go to a sports activity at school. Later that night I got very depressed from feeling so sick and started to cry and had to have a long talk with myself about how it is all worth it and it will all work out in the end. It just gets hard when I have been on chemo straight for almost 1 year and have not had any good news since before that. Sometimes I just can handle it but I usually get over it after a good cry and some sleep.

On Saturday the kids did their chores Gavin again played with friends and Kyana went to another school sports activity and then later went to Julie's house to hang out with her friend Abby. Today the kids went to church then we went to my friend Lisa's house since I have not seen her in months I figured since my parents are out of town we might as well go out and see them. It gets me out of the house and I got to catch up with her and her crazy life. We got home and Gavin asked if we could have a family movie night (he asks for movie night almost every night). We watched Incredibles and the Rio it was fun to just hang out and laugh at movies we have not seen for a long time.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and a wonderful Sunday with the family like I did.

I just figured I would do a blast from the past.. around 1 year ago this is a picture I found on m tablet after my kids got bored!! LOL

Chemo week again!

I got chemo on Monday after being postponed due to low counts (white and red blood cell). My mom took me to my appointment on Monday which was nice to have the support. Like normal on chemo weeks first I speak to Dr. Breyer about how I am feeling, any concerns, test results if tests were done during since the last visit. So she informed me that the MRI on my lower back showed that the vertebrae is fully covered with the met and is very active but on the bright side it has not started to break down yet. She informed me that she will speak to Dr. Clark the radiation doctor in the clinic so see if there is a safe way to radiate my spine without effecting my bone marrow. I should have an appointment with him by the end of the week. I also asked for a handicap thing for my car and she agreed, and asked for more pain medication because my pain is just getting worse all over especially when I get chemo it makes me hurt all over.

I got my blood drawn like normal to see if my body can handle chemo this week. I received my anti nausea meds, a medication that slows down the METs from breaking down my bones, my first chemo bag and after I get hooked up on the 5FU pack that I carry for 46 hours. Today my friend Julie took me to chemo. I went got more anti nausea meds, and then they flush my port really well and give me the other chemo meds that I get. The problem is if the 5FU and the 2nd chemo med interact they are very toxic to my body and can denigrate my vein. I have to stop my pump so they can flush my port multiple times before when giving it to me and then after they give it to me. Since I was still very nauseas they gave me an additional long term anti nausea meds before I left. Thank you Julie for coming with me and showing me support you are the BEST and I am so glad I got the chance of meeting you.

Some of the fun side effects I am enjoying today is my face is very hot and flushed. What is left of my hair is falling out very fast again. My hands and feet are extra dry and peeling. I am hurting all over, including my feet are hot and very painful. I am very tied and worn out. I feel like I have the flu on top of it. I am very lactose intolerant during chemo so I have to be very careful on what I eat when I get hungry and I can only eat a little at a time or it makes me very sick.

Tomorrow morning we are going to go through the Provo City Center Temple open house with family including, Amy and family, Grandpa and Grandma. I am soooo excited to go, and this is the last week of the open house. Luckily I requested a wheelchair so I can make it through the tour without wanting to die. I cant walk far and since I am on chemo it just makes everything that much harder. Then I will go to the clinic and get fluid and my port of!! YAY!! I can take a shower tomorrow without worrying about my port!!.